Fozia the Prophet

Of course it was Fozia who was the only one to invite the ostracised Kasim to eat with her. Her time may have been brief, but she re-entered the castle like a Fairy God Mother floating benevolently above all the witch hunts below.

Even in the face of certain death, having lost the Death Match to Leon – after gifting Anna the first Life Card, remember – she was the one reassuring him that there would be no hard feelings. I think it’s interesting that both Fozia and Alexander, two of the three self-sacrifices from the train, have been among the only ones who have managed to maintain a healthy sense of perspective and called out anyone deigning to personal attacks.

Having said that, only Fozia could have spun her own death into a dark prophecy of her murderer’s downfall. Despite the Traitors’ best efforts at delivering a dramatic, deathly order, Fozia was simply amused. “Linda, I knew it was you! […] Get a good night's sleep because you're going next.” “Get over it,” Linda sniped back with palpable venom. But the All-Seeing Eye of Fozia wasn’t wrong and it was indeed this “slippery snake” (her incredible words) slithering into their face-to-face on Uncloaked.

She’s clearly still revelling in the beef all these months later. Just last week she was busy firing shots on BBC Morning Live: “The woman had nine lives, how did she even last? […] I'll tell you why, it's because I jumped off the train.” You love to see it.

RIP Linda

Francesca’s reaction to Linda’s reveal said it all. “What was I missing?” Erm, EVERYTHING Frankie. “The head turn, it was always the head turn!” bellowed Jake, proclaiming himself a “genius” for his day one observation.

But what about the hundreds of histrionic head swivels that followed? Coupled with her permanently aghast face, Sophie Willan described it as so constant as to be owl-like.

At least she went out in a blaze of glory. After “standing up and saying my piece” to little effect, she had a twinkle in her eye until the very end as she attempted to replicate Kasim’s “I am a F… Traitor” switcheroo only for absolutely no one to fall for it.

One eagle-eyed viewer clocked that amidst the Faithfuls’ wild celebrations, you could just make out Linda running off set like an “escaped toddler.” The exact opposite of an ‘exit stage left’, but you wouldn’t expect any less from the self-confessed “wild child” whose operatic default mode was tailor-made for the campest reality show on TV.

May she rest in chaos.

Anna, The Girl Who Died

Anna suffered what might be the most brutal run of any Faithful to have ever played the game.

Having felt the full force of Faithful paranoia after she failed to anchor a boat, she somehow found enough loyalty to turn down the Traitors’ recruitment, only for them to throw her into the Death Match. She emerged from her coffin a visible wreck: “I am the girl who lived!” she claimed in her confessional.

And then, after all that, the puppet masters delivered their final blow.

Anna was onto Minah and therefore on borrowed time. Although her theory – something about Minah giving her a poisoned drink – was so last year. Ultimately though I think she signed her own death warrant with a new entry to The Traitors’ Bad Spelling Bee: ‘Meina’. If you’re going to vote for a Traitor you better put some respect on her name.

She’ll be a particularly huge miss for the fashionistas as the first contestant to have rivalled Claudia’s outfit changes for noise on socials. “I’m not a girl who sails,” she said on TikTok, “I’m a girl who slays.” You can’t argue with all those leopard print combos and mint green tracksuits.

Alexander, the people’s Faithful

His fellow Faithfuls may have all been disappointed when he – not Leon – emerged from that first coffin, but if we’re going by thirsty TikTok supercuts, a new fan favourite has been crowned in the wake of Linda’s banishment.

Alexander has all the polo neck jumpers and posh, bumbling charm of an eligible bachelor in a Richard Curtis film. An eventful week saw the 38-year-old diplomat unsuspectingly erect some phallic statues, launch himself into a bush during a game of badminton and sing a backwards nursery rhyme like he was performing La traviata at the Royal Opera House. Spurber wurh, wurh, wurh!

“Can I just say to everyone at home,” said Winkleman upon hearing this glorious rendition, her finger on the elevated pulse of her viewership, “Alexander is single.”

This may have indirectly kicked off a (successful) hunt for his Hinge profile, but there are other, more gameplay-related reasons for the people’s admiration. Alexander’s gentlemanly tact and consideration at the Round Table has been a breath of fresh air amid the miasma of paranoia and personal slights. Having seemingly learned nothing after latching onto Kasim’s “twinkle in the eye,” Joe couldn’t get over the fact that, when asked, Alexander had the cheek to explain the Death Match hypothetically. And then, in spite of the fact that Alexander had carried three stone torsos up a hill, none of which were his, while Joe was busy abandoning Alexander’s halfway down the hill and thereby his chances of gaining a shield, Joe had the audacity to challenge Alexander on why he hadn’t gifted him one.

Now, it’s only a game. But only a career spent de-escalating real-life conflicts with actual life-and-death consequences could endow you with the patience required to hear someone moan, after all that, “No we're not doing the exhausted, hazy, confused act”, and not declare all-out war.

Charlotte FTW

“I’m so new at this,” says Charlotte, playing with her hair. Before casually seizing the floor in the turret to spell out exactly which one of her close friends they should kill off to turn the entire castle against one another. It’s giving that kid in school who claims solidarity with the slackers only to get straight-As.

If you were to run the numbers, the strongest position in The Traitors, after a Traitor, would have to be a Faithful recruited by the Traitors in the latter stages. And after delicately avoiding early attention at the Round Table, Charlotte has steadily been building strong allegiances. Francesca and Freddie have said they are close, the latter even divulging his suspicions of Minah.

And it’s not just the Faithfuls who she can count on. Linda may not have turned on Minah at the Round Table, but I think her steadfast “sisterhood” might ultimately, indirectly bring down Minah with her. It’s seemingly blinded her to any potential treachery from her new teammate, and yet Charlotte was instantly backstabbing her during a civilised game of badminton. “1, 2, 3 – Minah!”

At least she's not still relying on her Welsh accent.

Faithful Mentions

I don’t know which is more impressive: Freddie’s cartwheel down the corridor or Joe’s mental gymnastics in turning every Round Table against another Faithful.

Our priest went out with her head held to the Heavens after she shared this series’ most wholesome moment with Alex, “one of the best people I’ve ever met.” And it’s a shame there won’t be a “second coming” after she spelled out her suspicions of both Charlotte and Minah at her last Round Table.

Claudia Winkleman. Even our stone-cold Lady of the Manor couldn’t keep it together in that backwards nursery rhyme mission: “It’s like Eurovision,” “I feel like I’m in a fever dream.”

Francesca doing her best Tom Cruise impression to rescue Leon in her snakeskin slingbacks. Also, “I’ve just noticed the stag has a fringe.”

Leon also seemed to shut down after breaking out of his coffin. Being buried alive clearly does things to people.